Going to the Dentist

The poll of the week had surprising results, but when it is all said and done, more people hate going to the dentist than the doctor.

However, I was surprised to find that, although more people DID hate going to the dentist, going to the doctor trailed very close behind.

But, let’s talk about going to the dentist.

Going to the dentist is just plain horrible. It really is. I’ve never had a good time at the dentist. And the only thing I liked about the dentist as a kid was that, when I was done, the hygienist would give me some sort of sticker, or prize. But I’m not a kid anymore. No more prizes.

So, let’s pretend your next dental appointment is just a check-up/cleaning. And it’s today. Did you just cringe?

You wake up thinking, I have to go to the dentist today. And then, your next thought, How can I get out of it? You end up going though. You know you’ll have to go at some point. Might as well get it over with, right?

Just before you leave for the dentist, you brush your teeth. And it’s not a usual brushing either. Nope. You take your time. You brush every section of your mouth for a good 2 minutes (including your tongue). You actually floss. You use mouthwash (maybe twice) and you inspect your mouth to make sure you did a good job.

You don’t want to look bad for the dentist, right? I mean, he IS looking at your teeth. So, they have to look good.


You arrive at the office. After waiting, you’re brought into a room with that scary looking chair, and a bunch of dental apparatuses that make you want to scream. Those are going in my mouth?!

Then, in comes the hygienist. She’s going to clean your teeth better than you ever could. And its going to be painful.

She shines that awful light in your eyes starts scrubbing away with that spinning, whirring toothbrush device and the most awful tasting toothpaste known to humanity. Then, maybe she’ll notice you have tartar build-up. Tartar build-up? OH NO!

Yes, tartar build-up. It occurs frequently on the backsides of our front teeth. And do you know how the hygienist gets it off? Of course you do: she scrapes it off as if she’s ripping wallpaper from a wall.

After the tartar build-up is removed (which takes forever), leaving your gums swollen and in pain, she continues her cleaning procedures. Tooth after tooth.

Then, its time for her to floss your mouth.

She jams the floss between your teeth as if the only way to get it in there was with a hammer and chisel. You cry in pain as the floss hits your already swollen gums.

Gumby's Flossing Mishap

Then, comes the fluoride.

She sticks that mouth guard type object, filled with the nastiest liquid on Earth, in your mouth. And you’re expected to hold it there. For 2 minutes.

Then, you get to rinse and spit. YUMMY.

After that torture is complete, its time to actually see the dentist.

The dentist comes in, and greets you pleasantly, as if what he’s about to do isn’t anything like violating your mouth by probing it with a thousand instruments.

Then, he proceeds to violate your mouth by probing it with a thousand instruments.

“Hmm…hmm…hmm…what’s this here?”

He scrapes at a non-existent hole in your tooth. The instrument pierces your gum and you cry out in pain.

“Oh, nothing. Hmm, tartar build-up? Have you been flossing?”

“Of course, I floss everyday.” Which you and I both know is a bold-faced lie. And so does the dentist.

And after he’s done probing your mouth, you’re good to go. Right after you pay your bill. And no, there’s no prize.

This is, unfortunately, only the “least-worst” type of dentist visit. Imagine having to go in for a root canal. What a painful experience…


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6 Responses to “Going to the Dentist”

  1. 1 The Gangster of Love June 12, 2010 at 1:48 PM

    Flossing is an urban legend. Nobody really flosses, other than the day before or the day of their dentist appointment. I’m convinced that the only people who buy floss are dentist so that they can hand it out to their patients.

  2. 3 Hank June 12, 2010 at 2:44 PM

    Great blog, funny light approach to life. Good job.

  3. 4 Allison June 12, 2010 at 10:23 PM

    “She sticks that…object, filled with the nastiest liquid on Earth, in your mouth. And you’re expected to hold it there…Then, you get to rinse and spit. YUMMY.”

    …thats what she said

  4. 5 Konway June 13, 2010 at 3:53 PM

    I floss regularly. Yet, it never fails, every time I go to the dentist, they tell me I need to floss more. Simple concept, incredibly difficult to execute properly.

  5. 6 Floral Park Dentists December 10, 2010 at 3:49 PM

    It’s almost January and most people time for “New Year Resolution.” I have researched many places online and haven’t found much about “dentist New year Resolution.”(Funny!!) Just thinking of many ideas to get individuals who don’t see dentists on regular basis to invest some “times” and visit a local dentist. Your ideas will be appreciated. Thank you

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